My Dog Needs a Bath

What is it about dogs that makes them love to roll in stinky stuff?

I don't know what Xena has been into, but, Lord Almighty, does it ever stink.
Have you ever thought about the logistics of trying to bathe a 75 lb. doberman who does NOT want to be bathed? Right.......

The Oracle of Starbucks

This is evidently what they think of my perpetual order of a venti peppermint mocha.

Behold the Oracle's wisdom:
Personality type: Clueless
You don't go to Starbucks much; when you do you just tag along with other people since you have nothing better to do. You would like to order a Tazo Chai Crème but don't know how to pronounce it. Most people who drink Venti peppermint mocha are strippers.
Also drinks: Wine coolers
Can also be found at: The mall

Hmmmm. I think they missed the mark on that one....

Tolerance

I have found something else of which I am completely intolerant: Intolerance. I have had reason lately to devote some time to thinking about this, as I have been faced with some interesting folks who seem to preach tolerance with one side of their faces, and practice bigotry and judgementalism with the other.

Let me be more specific. Forgive me if I offend anyone, but I really have to believe in a God who loves all his children: White, Black, Yellow, Brown, pink with purple polka-dots. I really believe He loves you if you are Catholic, Mormon, Bhuddist, Islamic or Wiccan. I think He loves you even if you don't believe He exists. I certainly can't say I feel the same about people in general. Lots of people (mostly doctors) wish Midwives didn't exist; they certainly act like we don't exist, and I can't even for a second say I have any sort of feeling for them, except possibly contempt.

Ahh, but I digress. If I recall my New Testament study correctly (it has been quite a while...), Jesus really spent most of his time hanging out with the Sinners, the poor, the wretched, the great unwashed. He didn't chastise them for their station in life. In fact, it seems to me that most of the chastising that got done was directed toward those who should have known better and couldn't properly behave themselves--those who often thought they were "better" than others.

"Judge not that ye be not judged", is one of my favorite bits of wisdom from the scriptures. I think that means that if I am tolerant of others, and don't look down on them, or think ill of them, when it comes to the great judgement day, I will be looked on kindly by those who are required to evaluate my worldly behaviours. I like that idea. I try to live by that, some days I do better than others, but I really think I do try. I think you should try to meet people where they are in life, and accept them that way. Now, that doesn't mean you can try to educate, humor or cajole, even argue sometimes. But try to accept and love others for what they are, "sinners" just like me.

Now, I do confess there are some other things that I am intolerant of: Child molesters, people who abuse animals, people who take advantage of those in need or less fortunate than themselves. People who abuse the trust of the innocent.

But I know, that in THIS life anyway, there may not be justice. But I have to believe that there will be justice someday for all those people. I just hope not to be numbered among the intolerant. If I burn in Hell, at least it won't be because I was an intolerant, bigoted bitch. (After all, my ex-husband thought I was a pompous, arrogant, back-stabbing lesbian in need of therapy--that sounds like enough to send me to anyone's version of Hell, don't you think??)

In the meantime, I will happily prescribe birth contol pills to teenager, and married folks too. I will give follow up care to those who have had abortions, and I will be kind to doctors who are rude and abusive to me. We'll all get ours in the end....

Change is Good

I got a great link from Ethan, and have made myself a South Park character. Here I am...

Things are changing around our house. We are making major adjustments to accomodate the soon to arrive family members. The oldest son and my daughter-in-law to be are moving in. So, Mom has vacated her room, taken up residence in my former office/den/guest room. The family room has become my office/hobby room, and the former living room wil now be in much heavier use than ever before. We have re-arranged the furniture, TVs and phones. We have curtained off walls in the basement for Erik to use as an office. I hired some energetic young men to help move furniture, and they did a good job, bless their hearts. They are my nurse's children, all 6 of them from 20 down to about 8 years of age.
Ellie has been visiting, and she has moved on down to visit in KS, leaving a small, black, pointy-footed dog to take up space in MY bed, much to Xena's distress. Ted likes to sleep up by my head, fortunately and Xena down by my feet. Unfortunately, they take up enough of the bed so as to not leave much for me!!
We are getting ready to have a kitty at our house again. I love kitties, I hope she will love us. We shall see...

Change is Good

Waiting

I am waiting. Waiting for a baby, or, I should say the 2nd baby of the day. Elizabeth Lorraine Marie was already birthed, and now we are waiting for hmmm, I think it's Zachary. Hopefully before midnight, we'll see.
I seem to spend alot of my time waiting. Waiting for babies, waiting for the next day I'm not on call, waiting for the weekend, waiting for the next vacation. Waiting for Ellie and Eunice to come, waiting to see the Ted, waiting to get Erik and Eunice here, waiting, waiting, waiting.
It is true that I am a patient person. But sometimes, there is just TOO MUCH WAITING.
Sometimes, I would like to throw myself down on the ground, like a 3 year old, and scream, "I want it NOW, NOW, NOW."
My grandmother, always one with a word of wisdom, said "Patience is a virtue, possess it if you can, you'll find it in a woman, but never in a man."
Patience, patience, patience.
Tonight, I am sick of being patient.

Cats

I have a splitting headache tonight, right behind my left eye. I think I am brewing a migraine, which I have maybe once a year. I have no idea why. I have really had a fairly nice day--had a nice baby this a.m., big girl. Fairly calm afternoon at work.
I am cat-sitting for Dr. Z while she is in WDC. Her cats ( and don't get me wrong, I LOVE cats) are just a little neurotic. There's Clyde, the house cat--referred to as such since he has the run of the house, and Clara, the bathroom cat, since she lives exclusively in the upstairs bathroom. Clara used to live in the upstairs bedroom, but has taken to potty-ing on the bed, so now she lives in the bathroom... Clyde upchucked a hairball on the hardwood floor, which I had the wonderful opportunity to scrub up this afternoon, and Clara pooped on the bathroom rug, which I didn't see, and managed to step in. Gee, I love cat sitting. She is coming back on Friday. I still have that smell of Cat-poo on my shoes, so they are sitting in the garage. The dogs are giving them the once over.
I am really looking forward to having the famous and lovely Cinamon (Eunice and Erik's cat) come to live with us. I hope she learns to love everyone in the house. I really miss having a cat. NO MORE OUTDOOR cats however--Mom are you listening??? I think she got the point even more after I told her what happened to Jodi's cat--someone used him for target practice, and hit him with a load of buck shot, broke his leg in 3 places. Poor baby. Jodi was SO upset, of course, who wouldn't be.

Well, I am going to take some excedrin migraine and drink a coke. Maybe that will help.

More dining delights

I worked 36 hours straight. Got up Thursday a.m., worked all day, all night and all day Friday. Came home. Exhausted. Dinner: Leftover Pizza from at least 2 months ago, frozen, re-heated until burnt and crispy, along with 2 hot dog buns, which had been buttered and sprinkled with garlic salt. Also burnt, black.
Just shoot me now.

Not to worry my dearest fabulous fiance/daughter-in-law

I read your blog. I have answers to your questions. No, the grandma will not be upset if you do not let her wash your clothes. She will be relieved she doesn't have to do it. She will happily relinquish some of her kitchen duties, and shopping duties. She will love getting out and doing something fun, like a hobby or class. She is pretty housebound with only me here, since my job eats me alive.
Now, repeat after me,
Everything is going to be all right.
Everything IS going to be all right.
Everything is GOING to be all right.
Everything is going to be ALL RIGHT!!
Really, it is.
I can hardly wait for you to get here. We have more girly fun together!!!
LOVE YOU!!!

Continuing Menu Items

Thank God I go out to lunch. I had a GREAT lunch with Jodi and Pam and Jim today. Because when I got home, this is what greeted me:

Knackwurst (I don't even know how to spell it, why would I eat it?) Some form of mystery meat, which, unfortunately got a little close to the fire, and was burnt on both sides. No amount of mustard made it edible.
Water-logged, overdone Brocolli, cheese sprinkles and vanilla pudding, made with sugar-free mix and skim milk.
OK, why does anyone even BUY vanilla pudding? If it isn't chocolate, why even bother? Then, mix it with skim milk, which I strongly suspect was outdated, as I KNOW for a fact I have not picked up a quart for at least 2 weeks.
I can't stand this any more.
And then, when I asked what the mystery meat was (NO, I didn't put it that way, I was polite), she burst into tears.
I am going to jump off a bridge. I can't stand this much longer.
Someone HELP!!!
Where are my car keys??? I'm going to McDonalds.

Tonight's Menu

Salad. Very sad romaine lettuce.
Pork chop, hockey puck style. How can anyone consistently turn pork chops into hockey pucks?
Asparagus, approx. 1/3 in. chunks, muushy.
Someone kill me.
Oh, wait, that's what's happening now....

What sportscar are you?

http://tomorrowland.us/sportscar/

Porche 911. Wow, who'd have thought????

Tonight's Menu

Cherry tomatoes, 6, with 1 tsp. blue cheese dressing, for dipping.
1 petrified pork chop
Chopped asparagus, boiled beyond recognition.

That's all.

Yes, that's all.

I'm going to Culver's.

Ha HA HA

Try this one--if George gets stuck, you can move him with the cursor.

http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm

One of the Squirrels is Missing

I had a set of two cute little plastic squirrels (supposedly they look "realistic") who sit in the tulip bed at the base of my front yard flagpole. They came as a set. One crouches, looking cute, and the other sits on his hind legs, also looking cute.

The crouching squirrel is missing.

I can't imagine a burgler sneaking into my front yard by dark of night, and making off with one squirrel.

So, then, what happened to the crouching squirrel?

I have an idea--I think it's been kidnapped, no squirrel-napped. Carried off in the night, squirrel-napped by a band of wild squirrels and taken prisoner. I think if we conducted a search, we might find it tucked away in the hollow of a tree, wondering why the heck someone hasn't put out an Amber Alert for Squirrels on it's behalf. Or wondering how much ranson (in the form of walnuts) has been requested for it's return to the front yard tulip bed. It wonders why the sitting squirrel hasn't hired detectives to find it. Poor thing. I hope it's squirrel-nappers are kind to it.

I would like to make a public plea to the squirrel-nappers to return the crouching squirrel to the tuplip bed. I will NOT negotiate with terrorists. There are no walnuts here, I am a poor working midwife. Please, return the crouching squirrel to it's home.

Dining at Home

I really love my mother. I hope to be half as nice as her when I grow up, if I am, I will be a truly nice person. But if I ever start to cook like her, I want my children to put me out of their misery. Thank God I go out to lunch every day and get one decent meal.
I have regaled my kids with some of the treats I have been tortured with. Black bean chili with no meat or tomato sauce. Chicken with sauerkraut. God help me.
Today, we had very wilted lettuce with shriveled up tomatoes, these poor, pitiful pork chops that had been virtually burnt to a crisp (I picked one up and whacked the plate with it, like a hockey puck) and these absolutely horrible broccoli bits, that had been boiled past recognition and topped with watery cheese.
Then it was followed up with baked apples. Too chewy to eat, sour and topped with reduced calorie whipped cream. MMMM.
Where are the take out menus? Is there any pizza delivery out there????
HHHHHEEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!

There are very few things that infuriate me as much as

a liar. I really, really, really hate liars. We have this viscious little witch at work, who is in serious need of firing, who is going from person to person planting seeds of disention and lies. I CANNOT tolerate people like this.
I was sitting at the nurse's station yesterday, when a friend from work called me and told me about this, and I must have responded to this a little more loudly than I thought, because I sort of exploded and said something like "that viscious litte viper" and the nurses all stopped what they were doing and LOOKED at me. They just aren't used to me showing any sort of anger or temper.

Well, it was honest feeling and I was mad.

I will personally choke that girl if I catch her doing that sort of thing. Don't piss off the Mammahead.

Ok, it's how I really feel....

http://www.softlab.ece.ntua.gr/~sivann/pub/swf/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf

What Kind of Squirrel are YOU?

Visit www.cheekysquirrel.net/squirrelname/

Success in Computer

O Frabjous Day! I have successfully installed more memory in my computer!! And I didn't even have to call Ethan or Erik to get it done!!!
Of course, I have NO IDEA what I did, I just followed the diagram......
:)