Sleepless in Rockford

Well, another baby is on the way. And it looks like I'll be up for the better part of the night. I wish the babies would be polite enough to come at a civilized hour. All of mine did. Every single one was born in the daylight. Hmpf.
I have delivered one girl already, and this one is going to be an all-nighter. Maybe I can sleep tomorrow. We shall see.
Someone did a study, to see if babies are born more at night than the day, and found they are evenly divided. Why does it feel like they are born more often in the night then? Just because they get your attention then?
I have no place to rest here. There's a DOCTOR in the Doctor's Lounge, which therefore precludes my presence in said lounge. After all, as the security folks are so happy to remind me, I am NOT a doctor. So, if I want to watch the monitor, I get to sit up at the Nurse's station all night. Or else I can go lie down in the NURSE'S lounge, because after all, I AM still a nurse.
Hmpf.

Tis the Season

Yesterday, in conversation, I confessed to my friend Pam that Christmas is just not my favorite holiday. I think it started when I was young, and my father died 3 days before Christmas. That just put a sad color on the holiday from that point on...It was better when my own children were young, since really, Christmas is a holiday for children, in my humble opinion. When I became a mother, I stopped caring if I ever saw another present with my own name on it, and wished only for their happiness. I still feel that way, except for the one thing I do love at the holidays, and that is to see all my children (Eunice too) in the same room at the same time. I confess it is quite an experience to have them all home. You never stop laughing.
So, I will drag out the Christmas tree and decorations, brave the cold to put up lights on the outdoor bushes, set up the Christmas candles (no open flame, however) and decorate the house. Because the kids will be home for Christmas, and that is really all that I ever want.

Hitting a milestone

In reviewing my work statistics this last week, I realized that we (my midwife partner, Pam and I) had hit a remarkable milestone--Baby # 700 since midwifery came to Rockford. WOW. 700 babies. That's a LOT.
We are at 229 for the year, a huge increase over last year, when I did 179 all by myself. It's so great to have Pam here. She's been here for a year this last week, and it has truly been wonderful. I love working with her every day, she still is finishing my sentences for me, and we practice so much alike it's great for the patients. We can pretty much depend on the fact that when one of us says something to a patient, the other will say the exact same thing at the next visit, too. It's hysterical when we compare notes. Poor patients, they don't get a break!
My personal total is about 620 since coming to Rockford, and add about 100 more into that for a lifetime total. Sometimes it boggles my mind to think that I have touched that many new lives. It's very humbling.

Amazing Events

I spent the morning packing 17 boxes of clothing, blankets, diapers and supplies that have been shipped to shelters in Mississippi, Texas, and Louisiana. They were donated by patients, staff, friends and family members in response to my request for help for the vicitims of Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. The call for donations was passed along (I'm not quite sure exactly how), and I ended up with cash which was used for shipping (I came out with a positive balance of $8.80, which is going to the Salvation Army.
The generosity of EVERYONE is just amazing. It's a privilige to know you all.
I hope the many wonderful donations are used by people who need and appreciate them, and I know they were given in a spirit of love and compassion. I think Americans are just the most amazingly generous people.

Update on the Perils of Parking

Kindly note I have made 3 (three) phone calls to the security and administration of the hospital, and have not had a reply. One person is on vacation until mid-October, the other ignores my pleas for assistance. Oh well, I can't park anywhere anymore.
Wait, wait, what am I thinking? I deliver babies. I BRING business INTO the hospital. THEY owe ME!!

Alas, I am liberated. I will park where I damn well please, and the security department can go to hell.

I feel so much better now.

Perils of Parking

I have had it. I have absolutely run OUT of patience. Now I really don't think anyone who knows me would ever say I am NOT a patient person. Not even my former husband, who, although he has many adjectives to describe me (most of which are not too nice) would ever say I was NOT patient.
I am a patient person. A very patient person.

But, I have finally had it.

Friday a.m., I arrived at the hospital to take care of 2 patients in labor. It was 7:20 a.m. I pulled into the parking space in the ER parking lot. This is where I have been parking for 3 1/2 years. It is where I was told by the security department that I had to park. (After all, I cannot park in the doctor's lot....I am NOT a doctor).

I got out of my car. I was greeted by a lady-rent-a-cop.

Good morning, I said.
Good morning. You can't park here.
Oh, yes, I really can. In fact, this is where I have been told to park by the security department.
No, you can't park here.
[sigh] Well, this is where I was told to park. Where is it you think I should park?
In the employee lot.
But I'm not an employee. I don't work for the hospital. I am a midwife. I work for a doctor's office--Cornerstone Clinic. I deliver babies, you know, just like doctors do. Only I'm a midwife.
[blank stare] [silence]
Well you can't park here.
[I smile.] THIS is where I was told to park.
You deliver babies?
Yes.
Then why don't you park in the Doctor's parking lot?
[OH MY GOD, could it be she actually understands this?] That is an excellent question. I SHOULD be allowed to park there, don't you think?
Well, yes.
If you could help me with this, I would really appreciate it. Can you ask your boss to give me access to the Doctor's lot?
Well, I'll check on it, and leave a note on your winshield.
Thank you very much. I'd really appreciate it.

Flash forward. It's 1030 p.m. I have delivered 2 babies. My knees ache, my back is killing me, I haven't eaten anything all day except graham crackers. My blood sugar is getting low, and my brain is feeling a little foggy. I am exhausted. Hmmm, there's something on my windshield. Could the rent-a-cop have actually come through?

I remove the paper from my windshield. It is a TICKET. It says YOU CANNOT PARK HERE.
Blue steam is starting to shoot out both ears. YOU CANNOT PARK HERE.
I unlock the door, and then I notice there's a bright yellow sticker on my side window. It says THIS CAR WILL BE TOWED.
Oh my Lord.
I have HAD it.

On Monday, I am going to kill someone OR I will be getting a sticker to the doctor's parking lot.
I have HAD it. My patience is GONE.

Wow...Americans are really awesome

I know that the news tends to show alot of nasty stuff, and how mean people can be, but I must confess, that I have recently been reminded that Americans are probably the most generous, kind and compassionate people around.

I sent out an email to everyone on my list about the American College of Nurse Midwive's "Blankets for Babies" campaign, which was activated to help women and babies in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. I put up signs at work, and put out boxes for donations. In less than 2 weeks I have 20 boxes of blankets, baby clothes, diapers and toys along with $270 in cash donations which are wending their way to those in need in Texas, Louisiana and Mississippi.

If my small effort can generate this much generosity, wow.... It's way more than I expected.

I have always felt very proud to be an American, and I am just once more reminded exactly why.

Smutty comments

I have deleted 2 comments that had links to porn sites. Gross. I am insulted.

A National Disgrace

Along with every other American, I watch the coverage of the disaster in the south and I am absolutely appauled. I am shocked by the magnitude of the damage, I am more shocked by the complete lack of preparedness demonstrated by the agencies who should have been ready to help in this disaster. I cannot imagine telling thousands of people to take shelter in places that had no beds, water, food or medical supplies. I cannot imagine "forgetting" that there were thousands of souls stranded in huge flooded buildings.
I cannot imagine the suffering of those people.
There is no excuse for this. We pay the FEMA people to be prepared for this sort of thing. ALOT of money. I wonder what the salary of those idiots would buy for the people of New Orleans--probably alot more than a sandwich and a bottle of water.

Doing some good

As a Midwife, I am a memeber of the national organization of midwives, called the American College of Nurse-Midwives. They have a perpetual charitable drive which, every year at the national convention, collects blankets for babies in need. They send them to various places and people, which is a wonderful thing.

Due to the horrible mess in the South as a result of Hurricane Katrina and the ensuing floods, they have activated that program to provide blankets and baby clothes to the women and babies in need who are in shelters; we are going to do what we can here in Rockford to gather these things and send on to the mothers and babies who are suffering.

At least this way I can feel like I am doing some good to help in this horrible situation. May God bless them all. They must feel that it's the end of the world.

Further Adventures in Plumbing

Well, the brilliant plumber seems to have failed to fix the problem. We had leaking into the basement again on Friday. Mom called Smartie-plumber back. He returned and declared that no pipes were leaking. Hmmm, well then...where does water come from?? Electric lines, gas pipes, perhaps the phone or cable tv has sprung a leak....
Can anyone help me?????

Adventures in Plumbing

We had a plumber at our house yesterday. Actually, a plumber and his helper. Now mind you, I have great respect for people who are expert tradesmen. But I have to tell you, these guys were idiots.

My shower is leaking. Leaking whenever you turn on the water, leaking down the inside of the wall, and puddling in the basement, right in front of the washing machine. You can clearly see where it is coming through the floor when you are in the basement. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this out.

Clearly, plumbers are not rocket scientists, but I would think that when you clearly can see water leaking from a specific area, that it helps to diagnose the problem. That is if you turn on the water. The plumbers came on Friday, and couldn't see any leaking. Of course, they didn't turn on the water, either.

They came back Monday, and I left specific instructions about exactly WHAT to replace--the off/on mechanism in the shower, actually in BOTH showers. So they obdediently did as they were told. And hopefully, it is fixed. I didn't go in the basement to check this morning.

But, the real kicker is how much money plumbers make. Get this--$82/hour for the "real" plumber and $42/hour for his assistant. DEAR LORD. I am in the wrong business. Why on earth did I go to college. I will NEVER make $82/hour, if I live to be 100.

I have decided that my entire family needs to give up all educational goals, and become plumbers. We could retire early, RICH, and do whatever we want at age 40. (Or age 55, in my case).

OK everyone, get your low-rider pants on, and get out the wrenches. And I think I would remember to turn on the water to see if there's a leak.....

Everything is going to be all right

OK, repeat after me.....

EVERYTHING is going to be all right.
Everything IS going to be all right.
Everything is GOING to be all right.
Everything is going TO BE all right.
Everything is going to be ALL right.
Everything is going to be all RIGHT.

Remember that. And remember that I love you.

Common Sense

It has come to my attention recently (well actually I have known this for quite some time) just how uncommon "common sense" seems to be. I used to think that it was called "common" sense, because lots of people had it, and it was therefore "COMMON". It's not. Common sense, infact, is quite uncommon.

I would guess that common sense is something that is present in far less than 10% of the general public.

If only I could tell you about my recent patient experiences. OH LORD. It has to do with a woman who left one of her many, many children in our office waiting room--rather, she forgot her. Until we called and said, oh pardon us, but did you FORGET something.....like a 6 year old????

It gets worse from there. If only I could share....
Sorry. It will have to wait....

Center of the Universe

I like to tell the almost-parents in my prenatal classes that they are about to notice that the center of the universe is about to move. When you have a baby, the center of the universe moves off it's axis, slides over about 2 feet, and drops, clunk, into a new spot. They never understand what I mean, and I know that, but when they come back for their 6 week check up, I ask them again, if they understand NOW. Their eyes get wide and they knod knowingly. THEN they understand.
I had a delivery this morning with one of my patients, and her husband commented to me that the sound of the center of the universe dropping into the new spot was still reverberating in his ears. It made me smile. He still had no clue, bless his heart, but at least he's open to the thought.
I would not want the center of my universe to be anywhere except with my children. It's really great to have a job that helps to re-arrange the center of the universe for people. Wow. I never thought of it quite that way before.

On My Tombstone

I had an interesting conversation the other day with my nurse. Her name happens to be Barbara (also) and she's awesome. At any rate, I was having a somewhat bad day. In my job, I get to see some of the worst things men do to women. Horrible STDs, battering, and it gets worse from there. One of my famous sayings is that "Men are pigs [that's self-explanitory] and women are stupid [for putting up with men that are pigs]." I was repeating that assessment and the fact that it will probably be engraved on my tombstone, and my nurse commented that that particular comment was probably not my favorite--she thinks it should be engraved with "Everything is going to be all right."
Well, that would be a bit nicer.
I still think that SOME men are pigs, and SOME women are stupid.

I'm Jealous

I got a phone call from my dear, dear friend Marsha the other day.
She said, "Guess what!!"
Okay, what?
"I'm going to be a Grandma!!!"
Wow, that's great!!!, I said.
"Guess what!!!"
Okay, what?
"I'm going to be a Grandma!!!"
OH MY!! You mean TWICE????
"Yes!!"
Well, it turns out that BOTH her daughters are pregnant--one with her 3rd, one with her 1st. That is SO great.
Marsha's had a tough year this last year, just lots of things for her have been very hard, and she's been a bit depressed. But when I talked to her last week, she was as happy as I have ever heard her. And it was so thrilling to me to be among the first people that she shared the news with.

I don't have any grandchildren, just grandpuppies and kittens, who are wonderful, it is true. But I am really looking forward to that joy that Marsha shared with me the other day.

Ahhh, patience is a virtue. I will get my turn sometime, right kids?

Profound Thought

One Very Well Written Sentence From the Sunday Portland Oregonian:

"Other than telling us how to live, think, marry, pray, vote, invest, educate our children and, now, die, I think the Republicans have done a fine job of getting government out of our personal lives."

Reading List

I just have to say that I have just finished reading all ELEVEN books in the Stephanie Plum series of books by Janet Evanovich. What a hoot!
Assumptions:
Everyone in NJ carries a gun--grandmas, kids, bus drivers (they carry Uzis), that is everyone except Stephanie, who keeps hers in the cookie jar.
Everyone in NJ drives like a maniac (I know this personally to be true) and they seem to think nothing of blowing up cars on a regular basis.
Everyone gets arrested for something somtime.

Easy reading, and laugh out loud stuff.

Recovering

I actually slept till 10:30 this morning. I can't remember the last time I did that. I think I must have really been tired. I think the babies may be giving us a break. One never really knows, though. They are sneaky, trying to pop out at the most rude of moments. :)
Well, no profound thoughts today, I guess.

Babies Falling From the Sky

Between myself and my midwife partner, Pam, we have just delivered 20 babies in the last 8 days. Good grief. No wonder we're both tired beyond words.

More than the next best thing

Being a Mom is the best job in the world. Absolutely, without question, THE BEST JOB.

That said, I feel so incredibly lucky and blessed to have the 3 best kids on the earth. I think the nicest thing I can say is that I would want to know each of them, even if they weren't my children. Well, I have both thought and felt that for a very long time. Then, to my surprise, it even gets better.

My oldest son brings home a lovely young woman, and wants to make her a part of the family. I think every mother fears this moment, but, I should have known better. She is so wonderful, that I couldn't have asked for a more perfect daughter, if I had borne her myself. My own daughter said it best, when she said it was like having the missing child put back into our family tree.

So, to the son who did such a great job picking a wife, and to the lovely girl who will become his wife, I love you both, and I am so glad to have her in our family.

It was a pleasure to have her visit this last week. I had both my daughters home at the same time...the one I gave birth to myself, and the one that my son picked as a gift for our family.

So many babies

I have now delivered 13 babies since last Monday morning. I am thrilled to have a job I love, but my feet are killing me and I have at least 3 more to go before I can turn the pager over to my partner, Pam.
As long as there is sex, I will have job security.....

Time for action

There's something that frustrates me as a nurse, a midwife, and just as a human being in general. I know that I was a good nurse, when I worked in that capacity. I still consider myself a good nurse, as a matter of fact. I think that's one of the things that makes me a good midwife, too. I know that job, and what I have a right to expect from someone in that position.

I recently had an experience that once again frustrated me, since I really expected more from the nurse than I got. The end result was that I had a patient who might have died, in the worst case scenario, and ended up with a transfusion and a number of other interventions that would not have been necessary if she had done her job right in the first place.

I don't think it's wrong to expect people to have a certain degree of competence. I expect it from myself, and therefore, I think I have a right (and actually an obligation) to expect it from others.

The question is, how do I translate that expectation into action?

Open Flame

Most people who know me know that I have a "thing" about open flame--I really dislike them. This probably stems from the fact that not once, not twice, but three times have I nearly burnt the house down. The first time, there was the nuclear pot roast--mostly smoke damage, and somewhat traumatized children. Second, a closed fireplace flue that nearly ruined Christms, and the third time, a real nasty house fire, that cost the insurance company somewhere around $70,000 to replace 1/3 of my house.

Considering those things, it's not surprising that I avoid open flames.

Well, tonight, my lunatic neighbors lit a brush pile on fire in their back yard, which adjoins mine, sending flames 40 feet into the air and scaring the daylights out of me. I called 911, since first, burning is illeagal, and second I was horribly afraid the wind would set my shed and trees on fire by carrying flames from their yard into mine. Thank God the fire department came and so did the Sheriff's Department, hopefully to give them a citation and fine. Idiots.

DON'T PLAY WITH MATCHES.

The Mammahead has spoken.

THE Mantra

It seems like I spend alot of my time chanting these days...I have a mantra that seems to be in high demand: "Everything is going to be all right."
You have to say it several times, emphasizing different words each time:
EVERYTHING is going to be all right.
Everything IS going to be all right
Everything is GOING TO BE all right
Everything is going to be ALL RIGT.
If you say it long enough, it starts to sound believable. My kids like it, my paitents like it, and truth be told...I like it.
A perpetual optomist, that's me....EVERYthing IS going to be ALL right.

Waiting for the babies

I have 15 babies yet to deliver in March. Oh, the work of the midwife never ends....